Dogs are Vicious Beasts

I've always hated dogs. They're just creatures that have disturbed me since the begining of my existence. I despise them, and they totally freak me out. If they weren't so ferocious I would be responsible for killing like 50 of those animals by now. They are truly animals that shouldn't be allowed to live on this earth. They are horrid. But anyway, I've hated them for as long as I can remember, and today's experience only made me want to round up all the dogs in the world and throw them in a pit of flaming razers, and then dip them in salt water and watch them die a slow and painful death. You probably think I'm cruel, yes, but wait until you hear the tale of a terrible beast about the size of a watermelon.

For the past 15 years of my life, I have made it a habit to avoid and even run from any dogs that cross my path. I just can't stand their disgusting licking tounges when they pretend to like you, when really they're probably thinking,"Hmm...I'd better get a quick lick of this meal before I decided to dig in!". I hate their wagging tails and ugly faces and claws and barks (ohh, I've wanted to club so many dogs that just wouldn't shut up), and how their owners treat them like innocent babies. Ok, so maybe not all dogs are entirely evil, because I have met some dogs that the devil has loosened his grip on, but it's always a rare occasion. And I don't know, maybe it's just me and dogs hate me, because they seem to have their owners fooled. So my friend Amanda (bless her poor, corupted soul) has this possessed dog that looks more like an over-grown balck and white sewer rat (sorry Amanda, but I really don't like him right now). He has a spikey collar that suits him well, and little fangs, and I swear he has red eyes! I've never liked Porthos (doesn't that name just sound evil?), in fact, ever since I first met him I've hated him and tried to stay away from him and his corruptions. I always kept my distance and stayed away from him, because I swore if he ever licked me I would get tested for lice and fleas and rabies. He was full of pure evilness. Until recently when Amanda and I began walking home to her house in the afternoons for lunch. Whenever we'd go there to eat or just hang out, Porthos would actually come up to me and roll over for me to scratch his belly and pet him (oh, what a truly cunning act of evil), and appear to be innocent. Me, being the stupid dog hater that I am, fell for his act, and actually thought he was a decent animal. So today we walk home like usual, and I pet Porthos and rub his belly like usual. No problems there. Then, after school I come back over, and there the little Hitler is, all curled up on the couch like some little bunny or whatever that stupid dog thinks he is. I sit down on the edge of the couch, and he kind of comes over to me, and I pet him, like normal. Nothing happens, and I sit there for a minute or two, before I turned and pet him again. Then, for no reason in the universe, this evil possessed dog flips around and freakin' bites my hand! I was bleeding, and had that little Satan's teeth marks in my skin! I swear, if I have to have a scar from that beast for the rest of my life on my hand, I'd rather burn it off. I mean, if I was teasing him, or he didn't know me, or I was hurting him or petting him weird or scaring him, I can understand why he might get offensive. But I seriously didn't do anything to the little mongrel. I guess he just decided it was meal time. I mean, I thought Amanda fed her dog, so I'm pretty sure he didn't bite me because he was hungry. He's possessed I tell you! I hate that dog, and I will never touch that beast again for the rest of my life. If he ever dares get near me again I will kick him to high heaven, or maybe bite his paw off for no reason and see how he likes it!